Thornbury Castle: Escape to Royal Luxury in the UK (Relais & Châteaux)
Thornbury Castle: More Than Just a Hotel, It's a Fairytale with Wi-Fi (and a Few Quirks) – A Review
Okay, let's be honest, booking Thornbury Castle? It feels a bit like deciding to marry a ridiculously handsome/beautiful, slightly eccentric royal. You know, the kind who might leave their socks on the floor but also owns a castle. And, spoiler alert, Thornbury Castle is basically that. It's a Relais & Châteaux property, so you expect luxury, but the actual experience is… well, it's a delightful, surprisingly human mix of regal grandeur and, let's say, character.
First Impressions & Finding Your Way (Accessibility – Sort Of, And Wi-Fi That Actually Works!)
So, pulling up to the castle…wow. Stone walls, towering turrets, the whole shebang. It's the kind of place that makes you instantly want to curtsy (even if you, like me, haven’t practiced since kindergarten). Accessibility is… a bit of a mixed bag. There's an elevator (praise the heavens!), but navigating the historic corridors can be a bit of a maze. I mean, you're in a castle, so don't expect the sweeping, easy-peasy accessibility of a modern Hilton. They do have facilities for disabled guests, thankfully. I saw a few ramps, but definitely call ahead to discuss specific needs.
And the internet? Crucial. Thankfully, Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! And not just that, but it's good Wi-Fi. I could stream Netflix without buffering! (Priorities, people, priorities). Internet [LAN] is also available just in case you're old school. Internet Services include the standard stuff. Wi-Fi in public areas is a decent speed. Total win.
The Room: Your Royal Chamber (With a Few Royal Quirks)
Stepping into my room, I felt a surge of "This is IT!" vibes. Air conditioning was welcome relief from the August heat, and the decor… oh, the decor! Heavy drapes, a four-poster bed (complete with Extra long bed – very thoughtful!), bathrobes that felt like you were being hugged by a cloud, and all the other perks you'd expect: Alarm clock, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens. You know, the works.
But here's where the "character" comes in. My window that opens only just opened. And the soundproofing? Well, it muffles things, but you still hear things. Like the occasional ghostly moan? (Okay, maybe I imagined that…)
Dining & Drinking: Feasting Like Kings (And Maybe Getting a Little Overwhelmed)
The dining options are, to put it mildly, plentiful. Restaurants, Bar, Coffee shop, Poolside bar, Snack bar. You're spoiled. A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant.
The main restaurant is… epic. High ceilings, candlelight, and a menu that could make even the most seasoned foodie weak in the knees. The food? Sublime. Seriously, the chef clearly knows what they're doing. I had the… (rambling…what did I eat again? Oh yeah) the seared scallops. Chef’s kiss. But the sheer volume of the menu and the formality? A bit much, even for me. Don't get me wrong, it's incredible, but after a long day of castle-ing, sometimes I just wanted a burger and a beer. (Which, thankfully, they also had at the Bar!)
My "I'm a Royal" Moment:
I'm going to rave about this because it's the most memorable aspect. I spent an hour in the Pool with view… which is more of a "Pool with Spectacular View of the Castle Grounds". The pool itself? Decent. But the view? Unforgettable. Imagine: the sun setting over the rolling hills of Gloucestershire, casting long shadows over the castle, while I'm sipping a cocktail (thanks, Poolside bar) and floating in the water. Pure. Bliss. I felt like a movie star. And for a few glorious moments, I was royalty. This is the Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor] at its finest.
Things to Do: Ways to Relax & Spa Day
Beyond the pool, there's plenty to keep you occupied. They had a Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Gym/fitness, Massage, Sauna, Spa. I didn't get a chance to Spa/sauna, I was too busy living my best castle life.
Cleanliness and Safety: Sanitized Kitchen, Happy Staff
In a post-pandemic world, safety is paramount. Thornbury Castle seems to understand. Anti-viral cleaning products, Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment.
I saw staff constantly sanitizing surfaces, and the whole place felt impeccably clean. They even had those little hand sanitizers strategically placed everywhere.
Services and Conveniences: The Perks of Royalty (and Wi-Fi for Special Events!)
Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center.
The concierge was incredibly helpful, and the daily housekeeping was impeccable. Yes, they have all this in spades.
For the Kids and Getting Around:
Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal.
Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking.
Pets allowed unavailable
CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Pets allowed, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms,
The Downside (Because Nothing is Perfect)
Okay, a few minor gripes: the maze-like layout (which I already mentioned) and the occasional echo in the corridors. Also, the sheer formality of the place can feel a bit… stifling at times. A little more laid-back vibe wouldn’t hurt.
Overall: Should You Book?
Absolutely. If you’re looking for a truly unique, unforgettable experience, Thornbury Castle delivers. It’s a splurge, yes, but it’s a splurge that's worth it. It's about a lot more than just a room; it's about stepping into a different world, even if that world has a few slightly wonky windows and a very, very long menu. Plus, the WiFi is brilliant. Royal thumbs up.
Compelling Offer: Escape to Royalty at Thornbury Castle!
Tired of cookie-cutter hotels? Craving a truly unforgettable getaway? Then prepare to be enchanted! Book your stay at Thornbury Castle, the UK's only Tudor castle hotel, and experience the ultimate escape to royal luxury.
Here's what awaits you:
- Breathtakingly beautiful rooms with four-poster beds, luxurious linens, and all the modern comforts you could desire (including Free Wi-Fi that actually works!).
- A dining experience fit for a king (or queen) with Michelin-starred chefs creating culinary masterpieces.
- Unwind in the stunning outdoor pool with the backdrop of the
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your average, pristine travelogue. This is the real, messy, slightly-unhinged account of my stay at Thornbury Castle. And trust me, it was an experience. A glorious, slightly-bonkers experience.
Thornbury Castle: My Very Own Medieval Mishap – A Chronological Catastrophe
(Or, How I Accidentally Became Royalty…Sort Of)
Day 1: Arrival & Castle-Induced Jaw Drop (Followed by a Mild Panic)
- 1:00 PM: Arrived at Thornbury Castle. And, OH. MY. GOD. You guys, pictures DO NOT do this place justice. Honestly, my jaw actually dropped. I stood there, mouth agape, feeling utterly ridiculous. Like, "Is this real life?" ridiculous. The sheer scale is overwhelming. You expect a dragon to be guarding the entrance. Seriously.
- 1:15 PM: Check-in. Which, let's be honest, was a bit of a blur. I was still reeling from the castle-ness. The staff, bless their hearts, were incredibly polite and patient with my gaping and general fluster. Found my room. It was called the… uh… Tower Suite or some such nonsense. Sounded fancy. It was fancy. Like, I have a four-poster bed that looked like something out of a Victorian novel. The window? Massive. The view? Lush green lawns. The feeling? A sudden, intense urge to curtsy and start calling everyone "My Lord" and "My Lady".
- 2:00 PM: Lunch in the dining room. First impressions? HEAVY. Everything felt… heavy. Tapestries, silver, the weight of history itself. I ordered the soup, which was a little too… earthy for my taste. And the bread! Oh, the bread was the size of my head. Ate a whole loaf (maybe not, but it felt like it). Regret? Zero.
- 3:00 PM: Wandered the grounds. Took about a million photos. Tried to look regal in them. Failed miserably. Kept tripping over cobblestones. Almost face-planted in a rose bush. Romantic, right?
- 4:00 PM: Tour of the castle's history. The guide was very informative. Except, to be honest, I got lost in the details and the sheer amount of stories. I ended up zoning out during the part about the Tudor family. (Too many Henry's, not enough Netflix).
- 6:00 PM: Pre-dinner drinks in the bar. Tried to channel my inner Queen. Failed again. The barman, however, was charming. Made a killer cocktail. I might have had two (or three). Started feeling a little less "peasant" and a bit more "high-born, slightly tipsy individual."
- 8:00 PM: Dinner. Oh, the dinner! They make you feel like a royal. I went for the roasted duck and it was probably the best duck I have ever had. I found myself eating slower, trying to savor every single bite – and feeling a bit guilty. This kind of luxury I’m not used to! I mean, a different fork for EVERY course? Come on! I was tempted to take a fork home, but didn’t want to seem gauche. The wine was… well, let’s just say I had a bit of a foggy morning!
Day 2: Falconry & Fugitive Feelings (and a near-disaster with a bird)
- 9:00 AM: Woke up with a head ache. Breakfast in the dining room. Decided on a full English breakfast to counteract the heavy wines. The thought of this castle-ness feeling made me chuckle this morning.
- 10:00 AM: Falconry. This was the highlight for me! Absolutely incredible. Standing there, a magnificent bird of prey on my glove. The handler was superb, letting us handle the birds. One of the falcons, though…it wasn't impressed with me. It decided my head was a convenient perch. Got pooped on. Literally. Right in front of everyone. Cue mortified embarrassment. My dignity? Gone. My hair? Less than glamorous. But still, I can't wipe the smile off my face!
- 11:30 AM: Wandered the gardens again. Tried to find a quiet spot, to reflect, maybe write some notes. Found a beautiful bench overlooking a small lake. Sat down. Fell asleep.
- 1:00 PM: Lunch. Ate at the cafe. I had a sandwich and a coffee. The cafe was empty which seems to have given me some time to actually rest.
- 2:00 PM: I took a nap in my room. Just a quick one, you know? Just a little post-falconry recovery nap.
- 5:00 PM: More drinks in the bar. Decided I needed a little "hair of the dog." Maybe a bit too much hair of the dog. Started chatting to everyone – especially the friendly couple from the middle ages.
- 8:00 PM: Dinner. Fine dining again! I ordered the steak. I may have even tried to use my "refined" accent I'm not sure. All I know is I felt even more self-conscious than yesterday.
- 10:00 PM: I decided to have a nighttime wander. The castle lit up is truly incredible. I tried to find a secret passage, but I got lost. I ended up laughing and giggling with the kind bartender who helped me get back to my room.
Day 3: Goodbye, Thornbury (and the looming realization that the real world awaits)
- 9:00 AM: Final breakfast. Saying goodbye to all this luxury and tranquility was a bit too much. I mean, the staff even remembered my name! (Or maybe it was because of the falcon incident. Who knows?).
- 10:00 AM: A final wander through the grounds. Took one last look at the castle. Tried to memorize every detail. I even bought a souvenir – a tiny, castle-shaped bottle opener. A reminder of my tiny reign.
- 11:00 AM: Check-out. The hardest part! Feeling a mix of sadness and anticipation. Back to real life!
- 12:00 PM: Departing Thornbury. As I drove away, I turned back for one last look. This was not just a trip, it was an experience: I was already planning my return, even though there are plenty of real-life duties waiting.
Observations & Ramblings:
- Ambience: Seriously, the place is dripping with history. It's like stepping back in time, only with Wi-Fi (thank goodness!).
- The Bed: The most comfortable bed I've ever slept in. Seriously, I could have spent a month in that four-poster.
- The Staff: Impeccably polite. They made me feel like royalty, even when I looked like a slightly-tipsy peasant.
- My Ego: Pre-Thornbury: "I'm a pretty sophisticated traveler." Post-Thornbury: "I'm a slightly clumsy, slightly pretentious tourist who loves a good loaf of bread and a near-death experience with a falcon."
- Overall: Go. Just go. It's a splurge, yes. But it's an experience you won't forget. Even if you get pooped on.
And finally, I have to say, the best part? The feeling of getting away from it all. Even if "it all" involved a near-medieval-level disaster.
La Colina, Spain: Your Dream Vacation Awaits!
Okay, so, Thornbury Castle. What *is* it, exactly? Is it just a castle?
Alright, picture this: proper, freaking *castle*. But like, a *posh* castle. Imagine Henry VIII (yes, *the* Henry VIII!) hanging out there. It's Relais & Châteaux, which means pure, unadulterated luxury. Think thick stone walls, suits of armor, roaring fireplaces. It's not just a hotel, it's an experience. It's like stepping into a historical drama... except *you're* the star, darling. And the food? Oh my, don't even get me started...
I'm on a budget. Can I even *dream* of staying here?
Look, let's be honest. This isn't exactly a backpacker's hostel. It's pricey. REALLY pricey. But! Here's the thing, like, *I* saved up. It took a while, maybe a year of skipping lattes and eating instant noodles… okay, *mostly* instant noodles. But the feeling of finally booking it? Pure, unadulterated triumph. They sometimes have deals. Go off-season. Spoil yourself. You only live once (or at least, that's what I tell myself after emptying my bank account).
What's the food like? Because the marketing photos make it look… *fancy*.
Fancy? Honey, it's borderline ridiculous. Like, you'll look at the menu and not even recognise half the ingredients. The presentation is a work of art – tiny edible flowers, sauces drizzled with surgical precision… it's almost *too* beautiful to eat. Almost. The Castle Restaurant, with all its historical charm, is a must. I once had the most amazing venison, cooked to absolute perfection. One tiny, tiny downside though – I spilled red wine all over a pristine white tablecloth at one point. The staff were SO gracious, I was mortified!
What's the deal with the rooms? Are they actually *castles* rooms?
Yes. Yes, they are! Think four-poster beds, enormous stone fireplaces, and maybe a secret passage or two (okay, maybe not the secret passage, but a girl can dream, right?). My room, oh, it was incredible. I remember staring out the window, feeling like a queen. Briefly. Then I remembered I hadn't packed my toothpaste and had a minor panic attack. The bathrooms are modern but blended effortlessly into the room. The whole experience? Unforgettable.
Okay, *fine*, I get it, the rooms are great. But what else is there to *do*? Besides staring at the four-poster bed, I mean.
Okay, so there's a lot. First, there's the grounds. Wander around. Get lost. Pretend you're in a romantic novel (bonus points for a dramatic scarf). They offer falconry experiences. Yeah, you can actually hold a freaking hawk. I was terrified. But, also? SO cool. You can go archery. Honestly, I was terrible, but it was hilarious. Then, there's the wine tasting. They have a fantastic cellar. Pro-tip: Don't go too hard on the wine before dinner, unless you want to end up telling the chef your life story (been there, done that).
Is it romantic? Because… well, date night.
Romance? Oh, absolutely. Dim lighting, crackling fireplaces, a general air of "I'm about to sweep you off your feet." It is *the* place for a romantic getaway. But… (and this is a big but)… I went with my best friend, and we had a ridiculously good time. We ordered room service, wore fluffy robes, and gossiped until the wee hours. It's romantic in a different way. A *friendship* romance, perhaps? Either way, it's perfect.
What's the staff like? Are they all stuffy and formal?
Honestly, the staff were incredible. Yes, they're professional, but they're also warm and genuinely helpful. They clearly LOVE their jobs, which makes all the difference. They're not stuffy at all, just incredibly good at what they do. One time, I had a minor wardrobe malfunction (let's just say a button was… compromised). A staff member noticed and fixed it immediately! They are angels.
Any downsides? Like, *real* downsides?
Okay, here's the real talk. * It's expensive (I said it). * You might develop an insatiable craving for luxury and never want to go back to reality. * Packing is an absolute nightmare. What do you *wear* to a castle? * Feeling slightly out of place the first day. Take a deep breath. Enjoy yourself. * I got a tiny, teeny, insignificant *paper cut* from one of the really fancy menus. That's all. It was fine.
Would you go back? Be honest.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Absolutely. I'm already planning my return. I'm even saving up *now* to re-live it all. Thornbury Castle? It's a splurge, a dream, a slightly bonkers experience that you absolutely, unequivocally, need to have. Seriously. GO.
Okay, so... tell me more about *the* experience? Like, what one thing really stuck with you?
Right, okay, I'm going to get a little carried away here, prepare yourself. This is a true story: It was late at night. The castle was hushed. I'd had *way* too much of their delicious wine (a theme, I know, judge me). I was wandering the corridors, trying to find my room. Slightly tipsy and armed with my phone's flashlight. Now, in a castle like Thornbury, you feel like you're a million miles from anything. I turnedSleep Stop Guide
